The Musings of James Potter
by Moonstone
Summary: I'm the great James Potter...apart from my obsession with Evans and my problem with unknowingly voicing my thoughts, which is kind of embarassing...especially when everyone including Evans, hears things about how I want to lap Evans's creamy skin up...
1. Fifth Year

**5th year**

AAAAH! The light! It burns! It burns!

"James shut up! We're all hung over as well."

Ok…so I wasn't aware that I as screaming out loud. But as Padfoot said, we're all hung over.

Ow! Stupid bed…why does it have to be so high? Now where are my glasses?

"Under the bed," Remus yawns.

Too right he is.

Well they're certainly useless! I still can't see properly. How come everything's so much smaller?

"You're wearing them back to front James."

"Right…thanks."

Stupid Moony, and his stupid maturity and ability to know how to wear **_my_ **glasses…

Oh crap! I feel like I've been hit by twenty bludgers and three of Evans's head-reductions spells.

I think I'll just lie here on the floor till my head stops spinning.

"James get a move on. You're already late."

Shut up Moony!

"No!" I retort instead.

HAH! See if you can contradict that!

"Really?"

Why is he chuckling? Stupid werewolf!

"You'll miss potions…"

Oh…what a darned shame…

"…with Lily…"

…

Crap! I hate it when he does that! He knows there's no way in hell I'll miss a lesson with Evans.

I'll just have to crawl to the stupid bathroom…stupid hangover.

"The bathroom's the other way James."

"I hate you Moony."

**At Breakfast.**

Hangover Potion…I need the hangover potion…I need…

"Here Prongs."

Oh that feels good. Thank god for Moony.

"I love you Moony," I say as the entire flask is downed into my system.

Oh there he goes with the raised eyebrow.

"Just this morning you hated me."

Yeah well…

"Times have changed."

"Hi James!"

Oh crap…not Lucie…not now! Save me god! Save me!

"James?"

God her voice is so...icky…like sugar on strawberry icing.

Yeuck!

"Are you feeling ok sweetie?"

Do I look like a five year old to you Lucie? No! Then why are you talking to me as if I am?

"No…" I mumble.

Maybe she'll bugger off now.

"Aaaaw…baby! Do you want me to get you anything?"

How about a court order from the bloody USA where you can't come within 4 gazillion kilometers of me?

"No" I reply sulkily instead. She'd be too stupid to know what the USA is.

Stop laughing Padfoot. This isn't funny. I have to end this now.

"End what baby?"

Why can't my mouth stay away from my brain?

"You and me," I state.

Now that was about as blunt as Elena Helliweger's nose.

And there she goes with her blonde Lucie gasp. How much air can one woman inhale anyway?

"You…you want to break up with me?"

Yes…yes I do- you colossal unprecedented undeniably disgusting hard and uncomfortable boob job of a girl! Yes I do!

"Yes."

Ok so I have to have some tact.

Now for the news to sink in.

5…

4…

3…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Well…now that was a bit premature.

Oh well. Padfoot is wiping away his tears of mirth. I really don't find it that amusing. She toppled over my second hangover potion. Stupid woman!

"Could you be more insensitive?"

Yes Moony I could.

"Oh come on Moony!" I whine.

Whining always works with him.

"I'm bloody hung over and I was going to end it with Jellybean Lucie anyway."

And there he goes rolling his eyes at me like his so much more in touch with women than me?

Like all that stuff about feelings and crap is really true.

I wouldn't have my own fan club if it was all about love and romance and rubbish.

"Those fan club girls," Moony interjects, "have brains which are inversely proportional to their bust James."

"Stop reading my thoughts Moony!"

"Stop saying them out loud Prongs!"

Aaah shut up!

Funny…I just realized that my Lily flower hasn't graced our Gryffindor table this morning. Surely she wouldn't miss a minute being dazzled by me? Who would?

I know she's just playing hard to get. Evans is stubborn like that.

How could someone as pretty as her resist someone as dashing as me? It's in our animal instinct to be together.

And in the stars.

And in the money that Padfoot will pay me when we get together.

Which we will! We have to! There is no way anyone can resist me! I have a whole female population at my feet to prove it.

Speaking of the devil. She's walking right in.

Sigh…

She's not beautiful in a cliché way. Like those blonde ones with a perfect shape, blue eyes and white teeth.

Not that she doesn't have white teeth.

And she's not like those sassy sexy dark brunettes in James Bond movies who like to be dominant and take control till your begging them.

But she's a keeper.

For a weird combination, her red hair and green eyes work fantastically for her and to top it up is her skin.

Her skin is so creamy and soft-looking that I feel like I could just lap it up and…

"PRONGS!"

Why does the whole table groaning?

"We do not want to hear about how you want to lick up Evans's skin ok?"

Damn. I hadn't meant Padfoot to hear.

"Yeah well I did. And so did the whole bloody table!"

What is wrong with me?

Back to Evans.

Look at that shape! A girl like her just HAS to be with me. She's not too big or small anywhere.

Our destiny is inevitable.

I'm going to go talk to her.

"You do that Prongs."

"I had meant to say that out loud."

"Mhm…"

What should I say to her this morning?

Nice arse?

No…got a hex for that last week.

I like your hair?

No…used that yesterday.

Your eyes are the essence of all…

Wait…why is Lucie running to her?

"LILY!"

God her scream is more painful than her boobs.

"LILY…OH LILY…" she screams like a banshee beckoning her clan, "LILY! LILY! LILY!"

My red headed fox turns to her, eyebrow raised and eyes wide in surprise – as if looking at an approaching psychotic escapee.

How more accurate could I be?

"Do I know you?" she asks slightly cautiously.

Well now that stopped that maniac right in her tracks. Her blue eyes have suddenly stopped letting the Niagara Falls free and are as wide as Peter is thick. Her lower lip has stopped doing that ridiculous childish tremble and her mouth is open and silent.

What I haven't managed to achieve in all my…two and a half weeks of dating Lucie…Lily has managed in two seconds.

She shut Lucie up and kept her mouth open as well.

It's a miracle!

"Of course you know me," Lucie whispers, as if slightly worried about being heard.

Newsflash Bimbo!!! You just went yelling around the whole bloody hall! So now what do you do? You whisper…in hopes no one hears.

"I'm Lucie," she takes a step forward.

Beware Lily my sweet, beware.

"Lucie Johansson."

Lily's face has not changed one bit.

She has a cute nose.

"I don't think so," a male voice interjects into my thoughts.

"Sirius what are you doing here? And yes she does have a cute nose."

He rolls his eyes at me, "no she doesn't."

"You have no taste."

"I'm not the one who went out with Lucie rock-boob."

"Shut up and watch."

Lily shakes her head at Lucie and then turns away to walk to our table. I think I'll follow her.

"But it's about James! You have to help me!"

Oh dear!

One thing I try to overlook is that Lily has this…knack of desperately trying to kill me. She kind of has it out for me and kind of thinks it's her duty in life to protect the whole of the world…from me.

I don't know why.

"Potter? What did he do?"

Why am I always the criminal? I could be in a dying from a heart attack right now, with Lucie trying to save me, for all you know.

Actually that would be a really life threatening situation come to think of it...the brainless woman would probably think I was choking and would smack my back three hundred times.

"He…he…he…"

She's incapable of forming sentences too? The things I never knew.

"He broke up with me."

The whole hall is silent.

Not shocked silent. But dumbfounded.

As though a million eggs had just fallen from the ceiling.

NO ONE ACTUALLY CARES!

I do it all the time…to all the girls.

Except Lily.

"That's cuz she's not going out with you in the first place."

"And I wouldn't dump her even if she was."

Lily seems at a loss for words, her pretty mouth open in confused shock.

I really don't blame her.

"He broke up with you," she repeated slowly and Lucie nodded quickly like a dumb puppy.

"That wasn't fair on the puppy, Prongs," Sirius interjects like he always does.

Lily's talking again.

"What…what's that got to do with me?"

Wow! She's harsher than me.

"You hate him don't you?"

Thanks Lucie. For your information she doesn't. She just pretends.

"Yeah so?"

Like I said...she PRETENDS!

"So…so…do something!"

"Why? Why me? I don't want to be involved with your love life. And definitely not with Potter's.

Memo to Lily Evans…You are my love life.

"But you hate him…" Lucie continues to whimper, "So do something!"

Lily rolls her pretty green eyes, " do what?"

"I don't know…hurt him like you normally do."

Now with that I cannot disagree. I still have nightmares about that chicken hex she put on me. I'll never be able to go to a toilet fearless again.

"You want to know what I think?" Lily asks.

Even if we didn't you'd tell us.

"I think you're to blame, Lucie."

I knew there was a god up there somewhere! She's on my side.

"It's all your fault because you're stupid enough to go out with that brain-dead, womanizing, immature pathetic excuse for a fifteen year old human being. You live with it."

Again it feels like someone's just dropped a bucket of eggs on us.

"No…that's just you Prongs."

Shut up Sirius! And stop laughing.

How does she do that? How does she manage to make both Lucie _and _me look stupid in one sentence?

That was supposed to be impossible.

Oh there she goes! I've got to catch up with her.

"Oi Evans! Wait up!"

"Fall off your broom Potter."

**Common Conversations in the 5th year**

"Go out with me Evans."

"No."

"Why?"

"Do I really need a reason not to go out with you?"

"Come over here for a cuddle, Evans."

"I'd rather sleep with Snape."

"Seriously?"

"Will you leave me alone forever and ever and ever and ever and ever if I say yes?"

"I'd be starting to consider it…yeah…"

"Then absolutely yes with all the promises in the world."

"Ew…"

"Evans can I borrow…"

"No."

"But I was only…"

"Whatever it is I don't want to hear. If you need something ask, someone else."

"But…I don't think Remus wants to lend me his lips."

"Lily my sweet wonderful ever so radiant…"

"Grrr…."

"Ok I'll flatter you later. Will you go out with me?"

"Potter I need…"

"Yes! I will! I will comply with all your needs for I know they only consist of you desire for myself! Do not fret my dearest Evans."

"…"

"Lily?"

"You really will?"

"Of course my sweet!"

"Ok raise your hand…now!"

"Um…right…"

"Well Mr. Potter!" Slughorn cries in delight, "I'm sure Lucius would be absolutely delighted to have you as a potions partner. Lily Evans won't mind I'm sure. She manages better on her own."

"What…how…Evans?"

"Bye Potter."

"Evans if you go out with me I'll do whatever you want."

"What?"

"Seriously. I will."

"Hmmm….ok…I want you to mount your broom and fly it to a tree deep in the Forbidden Forest and leave it there. Then I want you to come back and wear women's undergarments and go and shag all the Slytherin fifth year boys, Snape three times over mind you. Then I want you to come back and apply makeup like Mildred Midders does and go to Professor McGonagall and beseech of her for a permanent sex change spell.

Then I want you to run and throw yourself repeatedly of thy highest cliff in the whole of UK until you're quite sure you're dead."

"…"

"Potter?"

"Evans, how could you ask such a thing? You know I could never do that to my baby. I won't even fly her out over the Forest, let alone leave her there. How could you even consider it?"

"…"

* * *

Hey...I'm not to sure about this one so if you just let me know what you think and then we can take it from there. 

****


	2. Sixth Year

**6th year**

I love school. I really do. I know it's super weird and you're probably wondering why on earth such a pillock like me exists but I do.

And do you want to know why?

"Whatever it is I'm sure I don't want to," says Remus from behind me.

Ok…so I still have a problem with unknowingly voicing my thoughts. But anyway…it's because…Lily Evans is in school with me.

"You are an obsessed stalker Prongs."

"Shut up Siruis."

I have absolutely fool-proof plans to win her heart this year, no matter what.

"You do realize that she hates you so much more this year after what happened with Snivelly."

"Well I'll make her not hate me."

Sirius just snorts like the pig he's supposed to be.

But he's right. I expect she does hate me a lot more this year. I think she blames me for her ruined friendship with Snivelly.

He was a twerp anyway. I don't know why she was friends with him.

Ooooh! Look! There she is!

"You really need some help Prongs,"

Shut up Padfoot. I need to make a good impression.

Here she comes. She's only a few feet away. Ok ruffle my hair and now smile a dazzling…

"I hate Potter so much that if I even so much as look at him this year I'll kill him."

Somehow even my hair drooped along with my newly acquired exuberant confidence.

She hadn't even looked at me and had insulted me.

Wow…

She must really hate me.

"Prongs…are you…"

Well…more of a challenge then!

"Come on lads! We have a conquest to plan."

"Oh does he ever get tired?"

No.

"Won't he give up?"

No.

"Doesn't he get the least bit affected by what she says?"

…Yes…

But still. We have to press on.

* * *

"Prongs, lighten up!" Padfoot kicks me from under the table.

"Ow! You just made my pain enlarge itself."

"Oh…so this pain due to Lily's rejection is found in your foot."

I scowl at Remus but ignore his comment.

"Tell me again why we're standing here?" asks Sirius for the millionth time.

"I'm going to save Lily!"

"Is it really saving when you're the one who's booby trapped her?" asks Wormtail from behind me.

"No it isn't Peter. James has yet to acquire such knowledge."

Shut it Remus.

"Here she comes."

Wow she's pretty today…everyday.

"Prongs she looks pretty angry already, maybe we should just…"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!"

Too late Pads.

There she goes, tumbling and rolling with an almighty scream down the sloping hallway towards us, pickanese bat birds swarming her.

Time to jump out.

"I'll save you Lily! Don…WHOAH!"

OW!

Ok so maybe I shouldn't have jumped out so late and so close in case I got bowled over by her…which I did.

This really sucks.

"Lily?" I call cautiously. I have to be careful. Who knows what's happened to her in that fall.

She looks up, her eyes all confused.

I could kiss her right now.

"I don't think you shou…"

"LILY!"

Why did her stupid boyfriend have to come in now?

Though she doesn't look to happy about it either. Her eyes have narrowed like they do when she's around me sometimes.

She's fuming. Watch out Derek.

Who the hell has the name Derek? It's so pretty boy…

She deserves better than him.

"Anyone deserves better than him Potter," she snarls and stands up, without my help of course and spins round so fast that I think the world spun with her.

"Derek," she growls, "if you do not get out of my sight within the next five seconds I swear to all the Gods in heaven you'll be permanently out of everyone's sight!"

Oh dear, I suggest you leave pretty boy.

"Shut up Potter."

Damn! Stop talking.

"That would be appreciated."

"But Lily!" the pretty boy whines, "I love you!"

"No you don't you incessant idiotic stalker!" she snarls back, "and I don't love you. Now get the hell away from me before I send you running after your impotent anatomy!"

Whoa…she's good.

How does she know he's impotent anyway? Wait…NO! No way in…

"It's a figure of speech Potter!"

Oh ok…good!

"But Lilikins!"

Ok…even I'm cringing at that word Derek!

"Derek?" my Lily calls in a deathly sweet voice.

Time to take cover. She's bringing out the big boys.

"Yes baby?"

What a retard!

"What did you just call me?"

Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it!

"Lilikins! It's so cute and suites you perfectly."

It was nice knowing you Derek and I hope heaven will able to recognize you after she's done with you.

And there she goes! Shooting curses and spells right, left and center at the boy – not stopping to even pause between each incantation!

She's creating a whole arrangement of colours in the corridor. Very pretty I must say…though the smell isn't quite as nice.

I think she's given him Galaemine Ulcers.

I think those mutant slightly girlish screams are coming from him though that could be just the puss evaporating off of his skin.

I am so sick!

"IF YOU COME NEAR ME AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'LL BE NO MORE THAN A FINGER STUCK INTO A DRAGON'S LEFT NOSTRIL!!!"

I don't think she's realized that he's already scuttling down the corridor.

She's all red in the face now that she's stopped and she's breathing so heavily that her whole body is rising and falling with it. Her hair's gone all big and scary like it seems to do every time she goes nuts. Still….wonderful show Lily! Absolutely spectacular!

"Thank you Potter," she says in a much calmer voice.

"No problem! That pretty boy might have actually got some bollucks now!"

She laughs.

SHE JUST LAUGHED AT SOMETHING I SAID! Oh my god! The World has turned upside down and done the cha-cha with Venus!

"Though I'm not sure where you got that from, Potter," she states, smiling "I wouldn't be surprised if it did!"

Maybe it's not such a bad thing that I say my thoughts out loud.

"Yes it is!"

Crap…

I just realized something. We're both walking and talking and laughing down the corridor…like normal people.

Let me check if I'm all here.

Head – check.

Face- check

Arms-check

Legs…

"You're all here Potter!" she says in a slightly amused tone, "unbelievable as it is."

"That's so cool!" I exclaim-rather lamely mind you.

"I think Derek outdid you today so you appear much more agreeable than normally."

Whatever you just said I don't care. You called me agreeable!

"Oh come on!" I protest, putting on a hint of my flirt voice "you have to admit he's waaay worse than me Evans!"

She stops at the end of the corridor and I stop with her. After a few moments she nods.

"I suppose."

You suppose? Oh come on!

"Oh come on Evans! He called you Lilikins!"

We both cringe at the word.

"That's worse that my Tiger Lily."

She laughs again. THIS IS SOOOOO COOL!

"Actually I think I quite like Tiger Lily compared to this Lilikins…I do prefer it."

I love God today! Did I tell you I'm going to become religious?

"No you didn't," she replies, "are you?"

"I don't know," I shrug, too obsessed with all that's just happened in the past couple of minutes to care.

She laughs and then we stare at each other for a few seconds. Her face still smiling.

Can I kiss it now?

She looks away.

Whether she heard what I thought or not, I don't know.

"Well I'm off Potter! See you later," she says, slightly awkwardly before she begins to turn right, still slightly hesitantly as she doesn't know what she's doing.

I don't think either of us do.

"Bye Tiger!" I call and she stops and turns.

"Don't push it Potter," she says laughing and waves slightly before walking away.

I'm going to sing and skip all the way back to the Common Room.

"Prongs…we've got Potions now."

Ok then…to the dungeons.


	3. Seventh Year

**7th year**

"Now what I find really strange about today is that, today I am not standing as a mere student on Platform 9 and three quarters. I am not a mere midget who's just waiting for a train for school. I stand as one to share my own knowledge. I stand as one to pose my authority over those less worthy of the power I have been granted. I stand with the knowledge of an aged but the vitality of the youth. I am…"

"James shut up!"

"You just interrupted my speech!"

"You were talking to yourself Prongs! Like doing that stupid thing when you say your thoughts out loud," Padfoot retorts.

Wanker. He's just jealous.

"Surprisingly Padfoot," Remus interjects," I do believe that James did have the intent of saying that rather long speech."

"Yeah! I wasn't thinking out loud."

"Whatever," Sirius scoffs, "he was still being a twat!

"You are just jealous Mr. Black," I retort.

Too right I am. Everyone wants to be Head Boy!

"Yeah! I totally want to be a prissy prancing prat who has to stop all the people who actually have fun. You're going to be stuck telling some wankers off for making out while I'm designing pranks and making out all over the place."

And somehow all the notions of responsibility and maturity don't seem that good.

"Whatever! I am James Potter, Head Boy of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry."

And now they're all looking at me as if I'd just told them about how I used to run around with my quidditch blanket all day until I was seven years old.

"We already knew about that blanket James," Remus sighs, rolling his eyes, "we found pictures."

"Yeah," Padfoot adds laughing as he hauls his bag onto the luggage rack, "one for every year."

"One what for every year?" Peter asks and we all turn to him with rather pitying looks.

"Where have to been for the past two minutes Wormtail?" Padfoot asks rather critically. I don't think he likes Peter very much since he got that new girlfriend of his.

"Right here," Peter squeaks back, " well I was…" he takes three steps back, "…here two seconds ago. But then I came…" he takes three steps forward, "…here."

Right! GREAT! My life is complete. I learnt about the three steps Peter took backwards and forwards in the last two seconds!

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!  
"Prongs stop clapping!" Padfoot hisses as a group of girls start coming our way," There are some girls coming…and Lily's coming as well."

I stop clapping immediately.

And right on cue I feel the sensation of a hand going through my hair.

Interesting…

"That's your hand you idiot!" Padfoot groans.

Oh right…I need help.

"Hey ladies!" Padfoot calls to the girls coyly and they turn to him, smiling and giggling, apart from Lily and Mary.

Lily doesn't giggle like a stupid flouncy girl. She giggles- properly.

"Will you ever find anything wrong with her?" Remus hisses to me.

Doubt it.

"Hey Lily," I greet her, slightly shyly, as the girls reach us.

She turns to me and gives a polite smile.

That's more than I've ever gotten!

"Hi Potter," she greets and then her face falls at something on my chest.

Normally I would have found that very offensive. I know that I happen to have a very well built chest that isn't to be frowned upon.

"Is that a badge?" she asks hesitantly, trying to sound polite.

I guess being on civil terms doesn't mean she has to like me or that prospect of working with me.

"True," she mutters and immediately turns red as I catch her eye. But I pretend not to notice.

"Yeah…" I say as coolly as I can, "looks like we're gonna be the Two Heads this year."

A silence falls over the entire station it seems and once again it seems like a whole ton of eggs have just been dropped on us.

"What is with you and the eggs?" Padfoot asks rather loudly, making everyone notice my reddening face even more than they had when I'd realized I'd forgotten to disconnect my brain and mouth.

"How come Remus isn't Head Boy?" Lily asks, rather bluntly, and then realizes how it must have sounded.

"I mean…well…" she stutters, "…not that you shouldn't be. I'm sure Dumbledore has his reasons. It's just…well…Remus seemed more likely…that's not to say that you don't deserve it because I'm sure…"

"I was wondering the same thing," I cut in and give her a small smile.

Her rambling can get very confusing.

"I agree."

Does Padfoot have to comment on everything?

"Yes! Especially when it's coming directly from your brain."

We all look at him strangely.

"Where else would it come from Black?" Lily asks.

Padfoot shrugs, "with James…you never know."

I roll my eyes, "yeah you can talk. Half the things you said must have been through the sewage recycling plant at least three times."

Lily giggles.

Sirius opens his mouth but I don't hear what he says.

Lily just giggled at something I said. She actually giggled! And it was because of me.

I look at her, astonished – a goofy smile on my face – as she still tries to hide her laughter.

She turns slightly red under my stare and looks away.

She giggled at my comment!

And it was such a cute giggle.

She looks back and looks away quickly again.

It doesn't matter. I'm too happy anyway!

* * *

"Mother of CRAP!"

"Well…I'd certainly hate to be that baby," I state.

"Funny Potter," Lily replies sarcastically to my voiced thought and I grin.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this stupid transfiguration homework."

Lily? Can't do homework? What is happening to this world?

I walk into the Common Room, leaving the portrait door open.

"Did the sky fall down yet?"

She looks at me strangely. It is at times like this when I wish I would have swapped my thoughts with my words.

"Um…" is all she says and I shake my head.

"Forget it. Do you need help?"

She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. Of course…I forgot. Lily Evans never needs help does she?

She doesn't answer.

Instead she stares at her paper with a frown, deep in thought, with the quill in her mouth-looking like the cutest little school girl ever!

She clears her throat uncomfortably and I can see her cheeks going red.

"You heard that didn't you?"

Without looking at me she nods.

Wonderful…absolutely ravishingly snitch snatching wonderful!

"Right…" I mumble clearing my throat awkwardly and scratching the back of my neck, "…I'll just…leave…then…"

Brilliant James!

"James!" she calls before I've turned around fully.

"Yes?"

Do I always have to sound so desperate?

"Um…well…actually…" she stutters.

"Do you need help?"

"Well…not help exactly. I mean I get this homework and stuff and…it's just…well…"

Ooooh…pride getting in your face Lily?

She scowls.

SHUT UP BRAIN!

"You don't need help in the academic side but seeing as you're Head Girl and have so much to do, this tedious homework will just take up time. So it would be very helpful of me to just help you speed up the process of getting it all right anyway?"

She looks at me dumbfoundedly.

I'm not surprised. I didn't get it either.

"Yeah…that's it! I need to get it all right, faster."

I grin at her and laugh, making her laugh slightly as well.

She has a unique laugh. I'd actually call it strange.

Her smile comes after her laugh – she laughs and then the smile develops.

Kind of backwards to everyone else.

It makes sense with her though - kind of makes everyone else look like they're doing it the wrong way instead.

A silence ensues. I'm not very comfortable with that.

Did she hear that? Her face hasn't changed, though she has swallowed kind of deeply.

Did she hear?

"What?" she asks and I shake my head.

Thank god she didn't.

"Come on," I say and sit opposite her seat and she joins me.

This is so cool. I'm helping Lily Evans with her homework. This will make great blackmail material.

"Do you want to live Potter?"

**45 minutes later.**

"There!" I sigh, "all done."

Bloody hell! That took a long time.

"Hey! I'm not that bad!"

I laugh and shake my head, "no you're not. At least you've got your head around it. You just needed to tie up the loose ends. With me and potions all it is ends."

She laughs and packs away her things, still smiling.

It's nice that she can remain smiling even though she's around me.

She looks up and smiles wider and nods slightly, "it is," she says.

Ok…so she heard me again…but it's ok.

She sighs after she's finished packing the things but then collapses onto the chair.

I raise an eyebrow and she chuckles.

"I'm just too tired to even walk to the bloody bedroom," she grumbles and we both laugh.

And then the laughter dies away slowly and we're looking at each other and for the first time I'm able to look at her face without being jinxed or cursed or embarrassed.

It's so uplifting.

"So…" she starts, obviously more uncomfortable than I am.

"So what?" I return and her shoulders sag.

"That was supposed to be a conversation starter James," she states sarcastically, her face imposing my stupidity on me.

I give her a confused look, "what kind of conversation starts with 'so'?" I ask and she rolls her eyes.

"Fine," she accepts grudgingly, "it was an invitation for you to make a conversation starter."

"Aah!" I say, sounding like a demented professor, "you have to be more specific my dear."

She laughs and then comes back to look at me, the remnants of her mirth still on her face and we're once again just looking at each other.

"Is my laugh really like that?" she asks after a while and it takes only two seconds of processing before I feel the heaviness of embarrassment.

She heard.

"Well…I…" I stutter, "…I didn't…I was just…I dunno," I finish rather lamely and run my hand nervously through my hair.

She looks at me strangely but in a soft way, "is it?"

She's looking at me in such a way that I can't really think of anything to say.

So for once my mind and mouth are on the same wavelength and I say, "yes."

She looks away for a second and seems to be thinking before she turns back to me with an pensive expression that makes her seem slightly unsure of her surroundings but still sure of herself and ready enough to see through anything one might say.

"Did you mean it?" she asks after a few seconds, "what you said?"

I can't help but look at her at this point. The firelight is bouncing off her face and flickering different coloured shapes and shadows against her skin while it makes her hair seem to be a part of it. Only her eyes, that are watching me, are detached from the fire completely as they just lie there like big round shiny green existences with that dark centre.

It's so splendidly surreal.

That's more sophisticated words I've ever used in my life…she's just made me do that…

"Yes," I answer.

Her face slowly molds into a gentle smile as she continues to look at me and I feel like I still have to say something.

"It's always been like that."


	4. Seventh Year again

This has been the weirdest three weeks of my life. It's like I've been thrown into a parallel and really retarded universe. Lily's acting all jumpy around me for no apparent reason. Every time I say 'hi' to her she either squeaks like a mouse or starts stuttering.

I have no clue in the name of Merlin as to what's going on with her.

I'll throw myself off the astronomy tower if it's because of something stupid like my fly's open or I have something in my teeth.

Because that would just be even better than her hearing my brain.

But it's every time though, am I really that retarded to leave my fly open and have crap in my teeth like five times a day?

"Yes," Padfoot interrupts my thoughts, "you're Prongs."

I narrow my eyes at him, "are you serious?" I ask sarcastically, pretending to be unaware of who I am.

"Well yes I am," he jokes and everyone rolls their eyes, "I have been since birth thank you."

Why am I friends with him? He's such a…

"Primate?" Remus puts in intelligently.

"Exactly," I reply. I have at least one friend.

"So why are you worried that your fly is open and you have stuff in your teeth?" Remus continues and I feel my cheeks pinken slightly.

"Cuz Lily's acting all weird and jumpy around me."

Both Moony and Padfoot share a look.

It's a private look! One that clearly states that they know something that I don't!

"Has she now?" Moony asks, as if he's not already aware.

"You were there Moony," I state in a surly manner, (I don't' like to be excluded), "when I bumped into her by accident and she went off stuttering like a pressure cooker after I apologized and handed her, her stuff."

He opens his mouth trying to still act ignorant…which is really really weird for Moony…but then closes it.

HA! You're smartness and intelligence overcame you in the end as well my friend…you as well!

They're all silent again.

"Do we need to establish that we heard that rather demented outburst?" Moony asks and all I can do is shake my head.

We walk in silence again for a while before Sirius elbows me rather roughly.

"Ow!" I yelp and turn to him with a scowl, "what the hell Padfoot?"

He looks at me, horrified, then to Moony and then back.

"S..sorry Prongs," he stammers in a very un-Sirius-like manner and then looks back at Remus, obviously having meant the nudge to be for him.

Sirius is just too thick to realize who he's standing next to.

I whip around to scrutinize Remus, my eyes narrowed in the most intimidating way.

Obviously realizing how incredibly stupid that was I turn back to Sirius but he's already sent the stupid secret message to Moony while I was turned away like a plonker.

"Even though we do NOT know what you're talking about," Moony replies as they're both staring ahead.

"We completely agree," Sirius chirps in, still looking ahead.

I scowl at both of them as we walk. What happened to our code of honour? No secrets…from anyone of us, especially when it involves the said person.

We're best mates. How are the marauders going to survive this harsh world if we're continuously keeping…

"Whoah!" I yelp but am out-yelped by a rather feminine squeal.

A silence follows as I sit up onto my knees and gain my bearings.

Ignoring my head that's throbbing like a mild hangover I look down and LO and Behold! There, sitting in a rather dazed and awkward position is the very pretty red-head – Lily Evans.

God, why do you hate me? Why? What have I ever done?

This is the second time this stupid thing has happened today.

She looks at me and her eyes widen and she begins to scramble up faster than ants in front of an anteater.

"Are you…" I begin but she's already on her knees and hauling her bag onto her shoulder.

Before I can even stand up she's on her feet and ready to sprint off.

I clamber up, using elbows, knees and everything else possible until I'm right up in front of her.

"Lily!" I gasp and she whips around to me, looking very scared.

I open my mouth and then close it. I can't think of anything to say…though my brain will probably do it for me.

I thrust the book in my hand towards her.

"You dropped this," I state and she looks down.

She reaches out for the book and out comes that adorable pink blush.

She pauses abruptly, her face behind her hair and I groan.

See I told you! My brain just does whatever the hell it wants!

I clear my throat and try to think of something to say but she's already grabbed the book and is stuffing into her bag.

"Lily," I call again with no specific reason and she turns again to me, this time seeming calmer.

"Yes?" she asks, her voice betraying her demeanor.

I can't think of anything to say so I say whatever the situation offers.

"Sorry."

The silence practically screams 'HOW LAME' at me and I want to walk up to the pillar behind her and bang my head against it till I gain some regular brain cells.

She giggles and I turn to her and frown. What's funny? I don't' find the situation funny at all. I just embarrassed myself again…it's not funny.

She laughs again, "yes it is James," she replies through her laughter.

Now although her laughter is perfectly wonderful to be around…I don't' get it.

Her smile falters slightly but she pulls away from it and laughs again.

"You're not going to gain any brain cells by banging your head on the pillar," she states smiling and my face falls.

This world hates me. Every stupid living thing on this stupid planet hates me.

"I agree," I say in lack of anything else, and she smiles up at me.

Wow! That smile does quite a bit to a guy. I could stand here and look at it all day.

And then of course to ruin it, Peter sneezes and everybody jumps from their reverie.

She looks away from me and fiddles with her skirt and then after smoothening it she starts her stammering again.

"Well…It was um…" she starts and I want to just want to throw Peter off the Astronomy Tower.

Maybe I should try something.

"Yeah…um…you…" I stutter and groan inwardly.

Trying something doesn't mean doing the same bloody thing.

"We're just going to go," Jackie interjects and takes Lily by the arm and pulls her away, shooting a disappointed look at the people behind me and then they both walk away.

Come back! Please!

Why does my life suck?

I turn around and round on Peter.

"Why did you have to sneeze?" I whine at him and he bows his head, "of all the times."

Moony sighs, "though I have to say that poor Peter cannot control his natural bodily functions," he puts in before turning to Peter critically, "his timing is anything but impeccable."

Yeah…whatever he said.

Both he and Sirius sigh heavily before gesturing for us to continue.

What is with them?

"What's with you two?" I express, "you're acting as weird as Lily sometimes.

They both look at each other before shaking their heads.

"Nothing," they say in unison.

Now I know something is COMPLETELY wrong now. Moony and Padfoot never agree…especially not in unison.

"You guys are so obvious," I state and they both look in any direction but at each other, "just tell me what it is."

"There is no 'it' James," Moony retorts, "stop being so paranoid."

And though I argue and argue and push and prod, it is all fruitless.

I'm still stuck in the same place I was three weeks ago – a mental head girl aka love of my life. But now I have the additional secretive best friends.

It's so cool to be James Michael Potter.

* * *

**Head Patrols**

She's awfully quiet. She's not saying anything at all. Usually we have amazing discussions or a joke fest on our patrols and I always make her laugh…which is something so phenomenal because it's only been happening for one year.

But today – she's not saying anything.

"Lily," I call tentively and she turns.

"Hmm?"

But I say nothing, because I once again don't have anything to say. Instead I shake my head and continue walking.

I can feel her eyes looking curiously at me now. She wants to know what I was going to say.

That makes two of us Lily.

We reach an empty classroom twenty very silent minutes later before anything interesting happens.

"Ssssssssh!" a hiss sounds from inside and we both freeze.

Glancing at each other we decide to back up against the wall and listen.

"Just shut up!" the whisper continues in such a low tone that we can't recognize the voice.

"We have to move to Plan B!" a lower pitched voice murmurs and my eyes widen.

That's Sirius! What the bloody hell is he doing in there?

And what's Plan B?

"What the bloody hell is Plan B?" the first voice whispers back critically, as if having read my mind.

"The closet one," comes the reply and Lily and I both look at each other and frown.

Closet?

The whispering continues but now softer than before and we both crane over to hear it.

And being the stupid idiot I am, I crane a bit too much and end up leaning so much forward over Lily that she loses her balance.

She lets out a squeak as she loses her balance and topples forward grabbing onto me just in time to stop her tumbling to the floor.

I arch abruptly from the added weight but manage to grab her around the waist and pull her to me just as we hear frantic shuffling of footsteps approaching the door.

Within seconds I can smell Sirius's cologne just outside the door and I can immediately picture his turmoil as he tries to get past Lily who's blocking the door as I keep her there.

Before any more trouble can be caused I spin us both around so that Lily's back is against the wall and I'm covering her – not moving until I feel a discreet pat on my back and the scent of the cologne disappear.

What an idiot! What a complete moron! Of all the things he could do, he nicks **my **invisibility coat and sneaks around with someone in a classroom under my rounds!

Who could be so stupid?

What the bloody hell was this closet plan B anyway? 'Closet' is the stupidest name to call a plan in the first place!

Think logically James – Sirius and a plan can only equal…a prank!

He's planning another prank!

…but then how come I don't know about it?

Is he excluding me from a prank?

No! We always plan the pranks together! We're the leaders of the marauders. We're the two master pranksters of the school. He wouldn't not tell me!

…

But it looks like he has. For one or two weeks it seems like it. He's been sneaking weird looks at Moony and they're both acting like a pair of second year girls before valentines day.

Eeeugh…I shudder at the thought of those girls. They always seemed to be behind me and following me, like little mini-stalkers – stupid cows! I had top hide under my invisibility cloak for almost three days, trusting Sirius to pass me food and drink surreptitiously when no one was looking.

…Sirius…

Why don't I know what's going on?

"James?" a soft voice sounds form in front of me and I look down to see Lily standing rather awkwardly between me and he wall, her hands on my chest and her body centimeters from mine.

Oh…

She's so close! Holy sweet Lord, she's so close! I can feel her breathing against my chin and neck.

It's making me go all tingly!

I can't say anything…my mind's gone completely fuzzy.

She's just so beautiful and she's right here, right up in front of me.

She opens her mouth to say something but stop for some unknown reason, and just looks straight back at me, rendering me even more speechless.

Her eyes are so green and deep right now. It's like I could jump in there and never land!

I can see every eyelash, every freckle, and every point on her lips.

I just want to kiss them! They're right here in front of me and they look so soft and endearing.

I just want to kiss her and everything that is her. It's all too perfect to miss.

Her hands slacken slightly on my chest but don't come off and I can feel her heavy breathing.

My own breathing starts deepening as I look at her face.

…I can't even think of a word to say. Everything is so flawless, even the little imperfections like the tiny scar on the side of her lip and the out-of-place freckle on her left cheek. All of it is perfect and I can't hold back any more.

Within seconds of thoughtless action I'm kissing her – one hand holding her face while the other is still around her body, pulling her closer.

Her lips feel so amazing but they would be even more if she responded.

All the high-flying feelings are disappearing now.

She's still Lily Evans and I'm still James Pot…

…

She's kissing me back! She's kissing me back!

One of her hands reaches up and clasps my neck, making it impossible for me to not pull her even closer – just to absorb all of it.

I can't feel anything but her supernatural lips and the feeling of her hand on my neck and her hair between my fingers as she's pressed up against me.

I can't believe it! I'm kissing Lily Evans and she's kissing me back!


	5. Seventh Year Once again

"That's bollucks!" Sirius barks from inside the dormitory, "Janice Nickholson is NOT a lesbian!"

Peter squeaks with laugher, "it says it right here!"

"How absolutely intriguing," Remus replies sarcastically.

"Do you know how bloody amazing this is mate?" Sirius replies as I open the door, and both Peter and Sirius turn, their eyes wide like little boys in front of their first porno magazine – while Remus reads his book, looking as usual, like the babysitter.

"Prongs!" Sirius calls excitedly but then stops at the sight of me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asks looking at me weird.

Nothing! Everything's right!

"Prongs?" he calls.

For the first time I've actually not said something when I have to…Oh sweet flower! You have cured both my mind and heart!

"Why the bloody heck are you reciting Shakespeare?" Padfoot asks disgustedly.

Then again, maybe not.

"Prongs?" he calls again but I don't hear. Instead I lean against the door as if I'm high – which I am! On Lily's lips!

"Why do you look as if you've been snogged by Evans?" Padfoot asks rather disbelievingly.

Oh the irony my friend!

I turn to him and my goofy lopsided completely lost grin widens.

I can't help it! I'm completely and utterly stoned with her!

W stare at each other for a moment and then his jaw drops.

"No. Way!" he states, unable to comprehend what I don't' think I'll ever be able to believe.

But it's true! It's true! It's true! It's true! It's true! It's true! It's true! It's true! It's true! It's true!

How many times do I have to say it to get it to sink in to me?

I have made out with Lily Marie Evans!

The whole bloody world is going to be turned inside out and spin into some random black hole in space – because the balance and the almighty chain of events have been completely buggered! The impossible has occurred.

Who gives a monkey's behind if they've got random people up there on the moon?

They could go and learn alien ballet up there for all I care!

Lily Evans kissed me…for more than two seconds before slapping me! That's a bloody miracle.

Of course there was a bang when Peeves blew up the Potions classroom again and both me and Lily were told to split up and try and find him - resulting in me finding him and blowing him up but never finding her.

But still...I AND LILY EVANS MADE OUT!

A silence follows this rather random and retarded rant and Peter and Sirius stare at me as if I've told them that McGonagall works at a strip club for extra cash.

"EEEEW!" they both squeal and I pull myself out of my hazy high to groan. That's just sick!

"No!" Sirius retorts, "You are! You fag! You just ruined my chances of a good wank tonight! Arse!"

Nice…I just learned that Sirius has a masturbation timetable – how quaint.

"How come you can plan out your…" Peter starts but turns very red.

"What?" Sirius asks but is interrupted by Remus.

"I think Peter wants to say the word masturbation," he says, sounding rather bored.

Sirius looks at Peter rather confusedly and then grins – Peter is always the perfect one to invoke an already enormous ego on.

"Who are you talking about?" he asks sharply and I shrug indifferently.

"Just because I have an unlimited amount of horse-power and fuel doesn't make me egoistical," he states, grinning at Peter's red cheeks.

Both Remus and I roll our eyes.

I'm going to think about Lily.

"You do that James," Remus yawns, "it's normal!"

What? It's normal? Of course it's normal! I'm in love with the bloody woman! What does he expect?

But today's not normal!

"Today's different Remus!" I retort, insulted at all of their indifference to this Armageddon bringing occurrence.

"What's so fantastically unique about today James?"

"She…" the words sound so weirdly right in my head.

"She kissed me," and feel the smile growing. They leave such a wonderful taste in my mouth.

"Mate," Sirius says after a few moments, "you said that."

NO! Really? I thought I'd managed to contain my excitement.

"You didn't react did you?" I retort, "so I had to repeat it."

"You didn't give us a chance to react," Sirius countered, "with all that about a pole dancing McGonagall."

"Yeah but you went on to talk about wanking, so it's not like…"

"Stop!" Remus calls loudly and we turn to him. Rolling his eyes he gets off the bed and stands up, surveying us.

"You guys are aware that you're just going to go round and round in circles with this conversation?" he states and our stupidity dawns on us like…

"A bucket of eggs," Sirius completes for me. I scowl at him.

So I have catch-phrases…

"Let's try and focus," Remus continues exasperatedly, "on what James has just said."

Sirius opens his mouth but Remus cuts him off.

It was probably something stupid anyway.

"Something important that James has just said," Remus corrects himself, and Sirius scowls.

Remus turns to me, "James?" he calls. Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated?

"Are you sure you weren't delusional?"

What? WHAT? What a stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid question!

I kindly let him know that.

"Are you retarded Remus?"

He frowns at me and crosses his arms.

"No I was not delusional!" I state furiously.

I was not dreaming! And I was not temporarily insane either.

"Now that we've established that can we move onto something less idiotic?"

This is lower than Peter's competence.

Peter looks up suddenly at his name, "Competence?" he squeaks, "is that a book or something?"

See?

"James chill," Sirius says, laughing at Peter's confusion, "we just want to make sure. I mean you're always dreaming about her or imagining things about her."

I roll my eyes. Unfortunately that's true.

"Well I wasn't this time," I add defensively, "it happened right after you left."

I fix critical eye on him and he reddens, "yeah um…about that…I was there with…"

"With?" I prod, but I don't really care. It's partly due to him that this happened.

"Well then why aren't you thanking me?" he retorts to my thoughts and I groan.

Why can't I shut up? I was in the bloody driving seat then.

"Thank you," I say sarcastically and tonelessly as I roll my eyes, "oh wonderful initiator of love."

He grins proudly and then bows.

Stupid git.

"You're lucky she didn't recognize your voice," I state snootily, "she'd have given you three hundred detentions."

He rolls his eyes, "you're lucky I was there at that moment and put you in that situation or you would never have gotten a snog from her."

True.

"What were you doing Sirius?" Remus asks suspiciously and pointedly, as if prodding for an answer that they both seem to know that he deserves.

"I…well…was…you know…" he starts and stops and stutters and sputters like a defective kettle.

Poor Sirius…he never was a good liar.

"How about we just stick to what James has just told us?" he suggests nervously.

I agree.

"What should I do?" I ask and they all turn to me and stare – blankly.

It was an obvious question.

"Well an obvious answer James," Remus states tiredly, " would be that you shouldn't be here in the first place."

I frown in confusion. Why not? I was telling them the news and seeking advice. It's what we always do.

"Where should I be?"

They all groan – except Peter. He's picking his nose.

Sirius marches over and punches me hard on the shoulder.

"OOW!"

What the hell was that for?  
"For being a complete idiot," he growls at me and punches again, "you shouldn't be here. You should be in your Common Room having a good old screw with Evans and shagging her brains out!"

…

"Not telling us about how Peter's picking his nose!"

I am an idiot!

He aims to whack my head but misses as I bolt out of the room and to the Head's quarters.

* * *

The Common Room's empty but the fire's still going.

She's been in here.

Her door's slightly ajar and the light's on. She's in there.

I ruffle my hair nervously and walk up to her door.

This is so scary! What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?

Should I just walk in there and kiss her? Yes. That would be incredibly romantic. But what if she's like in a position or situation where I can't? Like what if she's bending over and getting something.

…Not that I'd mind…she has a very attractive arse…CONCENTRATE JAMES!

And what if she doesn't want to? Lily's a very logical and practical person. She'd probably want to talk it over.

She'd probably want to discuss it properly and lay it all out on the table so that we can see exactly where we stand where we should go.

She'd want to do it right.

Pushing the door open, I tiptoe in, and glance around the room.

It's slightly untidy, which is really strange for Lily. She's got clothes on her chair, loads of random stuff on her dressing table, shoes strewn on the floor.

Maybe she's not such an uptight perfectionist after all.

There's a book with her writing, lying open on the floor.

Maybe it's her diary!!!

Should I read it? Should I not?

Before I can even decide, my legs are walking towards it, my arms outstretched.

Maybe she's written about me! Then I could read it and know what to say to her when I…

"Mhmmhm…"

OH CRAP!

Just turn around James! You've been in many situations like this with her before. Just beg and beg and beg and beg and beg…then maybe you'll only get hexed to the Gryffindor Common Room…not to oblivion.

…For the first time in a really long time I want my mum…

I turn around slowly…preparing for the worst…

She's probably got her wand right at the back of my head so that when I turn it'll be at my forehead. I bet her hair is all wild and sexy like it is when she's angry…I just wanna grab her and…

NOT NOW JAMES!

Almost there now. Just be prepared for the worst and you'll be…

There's nothing there! It's just empty air.

…..OH GOD I'M GOING INSANE….

"Mhmmm…shut up Tuna…" comes another murmur from my left and I whip around and see Lily's occupied bed at the far end of the room, "…Vernon's probably trying ot eat the dog…"

I can't help but laugh. Hearing Lily curse her sister and brother-in-law is probably the funniest thing on earth.

I walk up to the bed and find her lying there on her side, with her torso facing the ceiling, sleeping peacefully in her school uniform.

She looks so innocent and gentle…how could I even be imagining her hexing me to oblivion with her crazy sexy hair before?

I gingerly touch the area where she once made feathers grow out of my head.

That's why.

A small smile flits across her face…what a difference!

It's so strange how, just by looking at her now, I remember why I've been so crazy about her for so long.

I gently push away some of the hair from her face and continue to watch her.

She sighs softly before turns so she's fully on her side, her hair framing the side of her face.

I look at the diary and shake my head.

Sure I want to know…but I'd rather have her tell it to me…or scream it at me…than read her private thoughts.

…This is so weird. I'm making a mature decision.

What happened to the James who would sneak up here to nick the diary and read it?

I reach to pick it up.

James Potter can't have suddenly become good.

I open it to a random page but then hear another murmur and snap it shut.

I look quickly at the red head on the bed but then relax and laugh quietly.

I don't think I have choice but to put it back.

Sighing I put it beside her and then kiss her cheek gently.

This is what it's like to be whipped.

I'm gonna go and snack in the kitchens to redeem my marauding self.


	6. Seventh year yet again

Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful…

"PRONGS SHUT IT!"

Huh? Why is Padfoot screaming at me?

More importantly, why is he in my room, interrupting my basking in the wonderful streaming sunlight of this beautiful lucky day during which I will finally get Lily Evans?

"Firstly," comes a grumpy Sirius-has-been-woken-up reply, "you were belting your bloody lungs out with that stupid arsey-farsey song and your ridiculous voice. Secondly, because you're in our dormitory."

I sit up rapidly and look around.

Truth behold, I am.

"You got me to sneak out and have a bit in the kitchens but we had a bit too much of the liqueur turtles," he explains, "so we crashed here."

Oooh! I see. I was redeeming my marauding self.

"What?" he asks, clearly still a bit grumpy, "what the hell does pigging out in the kitchens have to do with that?"

I shrug. I don't know. My mind's drifted off to Lily again.

Sirius huffs and rolls his eyes, "Hogesmade today James," he announces as he walks to the toilet, "lets get ready so we can go and get some of the prank stock."

Lily.

"And then we can grab a butterbeer or something."

Lily Marie Evans.

"And I think Honeydukes has got this new type of fizzing whizzbees."

Lily Marie Evans Potter?

"Mate," he calls and I look up, "you're such a whipped little poodle."

I AM NOT!

"Are too," he retorts, grinning from the bathroom, toothpaste foam around his mouth, "you just imagined you and her, married. What sort of guy does that? We're the ones who postpone the wedding as much as possible and there you are, naming all your future PotterEvans kids."

"I was not naming our kids!" I retort.

"OUR?" Sirius literally shrieks and bounces up and down with laughter, "you said our!"

"It is a common word in the English language," I say sulkily, despite my stupidity.

"Yeah," he agreed, "but not for you and Evans. Because Evans wouldn't shag you if you were the last bit of cock she could get!"

I scowl more at his comment than his crudeness, "thanks Sirius," I reply but stand up and fold my arms tartly, "but she's already made out with me so HA!"

"I bet she was delusional!" he retorts. I roll my eyes.

"So yesterday I was delusional and now she's delusional. You guys just can't make up your minds," I state huffily and transfigure a chair into a toothbrush.

"Whatever mate," he says, still grinning as he pulls on a shirt and trousers, "fact remains. You're so whipped that you can't even feel your own arse."

Yes I can.

I grab my behind just to make sure and Sirius groans.

"James…" he begins to whine at my extreme weirdness, but a newly awoken dormer interjects.

"What's with Potter holding his arse?"

…Nice…

**Hogesmade.**

I haven't seen her anywhere. Where is she?

"I haven't seen her anywhere!" I whine to Padfoot "where is she?"

"You know you don't' have to say it twice," he replies huffily.

Hadn't realized I had. But…  
"And there she is," he says rather suddenly and stops abruptly, causing me to whip around and look, but not stop, and instead walk straight into a tree.

Ow…

"Nice Prongs!" he sighs and helps me up, "they all saw you."

Great…she saw me making a fool of myself.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Sirius chips in unhelpfully.

I look over to where he had previously indicated and see a bunch of girls, who seem to be in some sort of limbo struggle.

They seem to almost leave the shop they're in but then go back in and huddle before the cycle is repeated.

In the midst of their blonde and brown I see a red head and quickly realize what's happening.

She's stopping them from coming over.

…just great…

"Lets just go in there and talk to them mate," Sirius suggests encouragingly and before I can answer he's dragging me towards the shop.

We go in and all the girls hush up and stand still, as if waiting to be tried in court.

Where's Lily? I can't see her.

"She's right here," a voice answers and Lily is pushed forward forcefully – right up in front of me.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid James!

Her face is as red as her hair as she struggles to look up at me and just stands there, looking like the cutest little cherub ever.

"AAAAW" a collective sigh ripples through the shop and I groan.

I open my mouth to say something – anything to relieve the situation but she shuts her eyes tightly and shakes her head, as if I'm a mudslide on a mountain.

I whip around to Sirius for help and he just shrugs before ruffling his hair and clearing his throat.

"So ladies," he begins, "how's about you help a guy out with finding a Christmas gift for his mum?"

Everyone gets the message and the crowd soon dissipates.

Lily gasps and looks around frantically before looking up at me like a terrified animal.

"Lily?" I call cautiously.

She gives a meek squeak before she begins twisting her hands within each other.

We're both so nervous that I can just imagine the glass of the shop window cracking.

"So…" I start and stutter, "…how…how are you…this morning?"

She looks at me and then begins her own sputtering.

"I'm…I'm good…" She staggers over her words, "I'm…uh…good. How…about…um…how about you?"

I shrug trying to be nonchalant, "…ok…I suppose."

Now is the time for a catch phrase Potter. A pick up line. Pick her right up off her feet.

"Yeah?" she asks in a slightly higher tone, before I can speak, "well…well…that's…that's just great. I mean…everyone's good and great and…"

She begins to step backwards and away from me.

"…and that's…that's great because it's…well it's Christmas right?" she looks up at me with a nervous smile, still staggering backwards.

I nod dumbly, my mouth slightly open.

"So…I'm…I'm glad that you're good and great on this…very…um…joyous holiday and…"

She continues to step backwards and begins to head for the manikins and window decorations.

I try to say something but I'm stuck as I watch her struggle.

"…well…you should be…because it would be…well…it would be completely ridiculous and totally…Aaaah!"

And with that squeal she's fallen and tumbled backwards into the Christmas tree and presents and foam reindeer.

"I say!" the model Santa Clause huffs.

"Lily!" I call, snapping out of my reverie and rushing towards her, "are you al…Whaaa!"

…

Ow…that's the second time in the last half an hour.

I sit up and look around and groan at the mess I've created just by trying to help Lily.

Why me?

It looks like I've managed to bring down the entire window decorations just by getting my foot stuck in a bit of tinsel, which made me tumble forwards and grab the Christmas tree for support. The tree, being the awful piece of cheap garbage that it is, did not support me. In fact it toppled over as well and took the string of lights, which were magically designed not to break and were wrapped around the Santa and brought that down. The Santa, who is now cursing in an extremely un-Santa-like way was propped up on a pile of gifts which are now currently around my feet, their stupid empty fluffy ball things rolling around my feet.

I don't even have the heart to groan.

I turn around when I hear a short and held back snicker, to find Lily sitting in a similar position right beside me, looking at me, her hand over her mouth as she shakes slightly.

I narrow my eyes at her and watch her.

"Are you laughing Evans?" I enquire after a few moments. She freezes for a few seconds before shaking her head slowly.

I raise an eyebrow and sit up straighter.

"So you do not find this situation," I start again, "in which you went tumbling over the decorations, causing me to come after you and trip over and send all the decorations flying, the least bit funny?"

She appears to be shaking before she closes her eyes and releases her hand from her mouth, giggling uncontrollably.

I mock scowl, "oh so you do find it funny?"

She nods and I turn away, pretending to be in a huff. She's making that very hard seeing as she looks absolutely gorgeous just sitting and laughing like that.

She stops abruptly.

Nice James. Nice.

We stare at each other nervously through the uncomfortable situation that I had to inevitably create.

She's stopped laughing or any form of action at all now, but her hand is still over her mouth while her eyes are watching me intently.

Shifting slightly so I can look straight at her without drastically twisting my neck, I reach forward and take her hand gently.

It's strange how it's all coming automatically but it's GREAT!

Gently I pull it away, not breaking eye contact for a second.

That's it James! Do the wonders!

Leaning forward I intertwine my fingers with hers.

Must keep in control – even though I just want to grab her and snog her brains out – I cannot ruin this perfect moment.

But it seems to become harder as she keeps looking at me, her eyes not breaking away and right now, it's like the whole room is trembling.

But in a nice way. It's wobbling in a nice way.

I can hear her breathing as heavily as I am and she gulps, sending my eyes to her now slightly bear neck under the loosened scarf.

Oh…

Focus on her lips James!

I can just about touch them now. They're so beautiful and soft and…

"Uah!' she jerks backwards suddenly and snatches her hand from mine.

What?

That wasn't anything close to what **should** have happened!

"I have to…I have to go and…and…I have to make a phone call!" she stutters and scrambles up, using the tree, wall and anything she can find as her support to get out of there as soon as possible.

And get out she does.

I haven't even blinked yet and the shop door's tinkling shut and I can hear her footsteps running outside and back to the castle.

…

This is exactly like the movie. Except, it's not raining, I'm not crying, nor am I chasing after her, ready to sweep her off her feet and ask her to marry me on my cue.

Marriage is way too weird for me right now anyway.

I huff and then groan and smack my forehead with my hand – only to find something wooly and warm smack it instead.

She left her glove – her blue and purple striped glove. Her poor hand must be freezing!

She'll probably want it back and…

…that means that she'll have to come and get it! There'll be no excuse not to see me!

Ha! Try and get around that one Evans!

"Well you could give it to me to give to her," I hear a voice and look up to see Mary, Lily's friend, peering down at me.

I open my mouth to try and protest but she shakes her head.

"I don't want it," she says, smiling, "look at it this way Potter. I never found you sprawled over the display window area with the decorations smashed, and the model santa cursing like a drunk sailor while you looked like the most love-sick, heart ridden idiot with whom Lily's left her glove with and who Lily lost her nerve in front of and ran."

My jaw drops. What the hell was that supposed to be?

Was I supposed to understand that?

"I just walked out of the shop and didn't notice the fact that the Hogwarts head boy had taken the place of Santa and reindeer this year," she stated and winked, walking towards the exit, "I'll talk to her by the way anyway."

* * *

"Why does my life suck?" I groan as Sirius and I head back to the castle. 

"Because it's **your **life," he answers.

Ignoring him I continue ranting, "It would have just taken one more stupid second I would have been kissing her. One measely stupid bollucks bloody second!"

I look up to the sky and stand astride, glaring at a cloud.

A very fluffy white cloud I might add, that looks a bit like…

FOCUS ON BEING ANGRY AT THE CLOUDS!

"IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?" I yell, "IS IT? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? I'M NOT EVEN IN BLOODY SLYTHERIN AND YOU'RE PUNISHING ME AS IF…"

"Shut up you plonker!" Sirius hisses and clasps his hand over my mouth, "do you want us to be sent to the loony bin in St. Mungo's?"

I shrug, "I think I should already be there."

He smacks me hard on the head.

"OW! What…"

"Stop being such a wanker Prongs and be a man," he scowls at me and pulls me along, "this time, believe it or not, she's the problem!"

…Explain…

"Look at it logically," he states, "she's being a pouf and not taking the plunge even though you are, and have been doing for bloomin' ages."

That's true!

"Why should you keep chasing after her like a whipped dog?" he starts ranting as he walks faster, "Merlin knows you've done enough! You should go in there and tell her to her face to own up and stop being a coward. Otherwise you're done!"

"YEAH!"

He stops abruptly and rolls his eyes at me, "that was so American-football-like."

I think on it and agree.

I was Chuck and Sirius was Coach Carter.

"But seriously mate," he continues, "you didn't give up and you stuck it out as much as you could. But enough's enough. You don't have to be her bloody puppy."

I nod solemnly.

"And if she knows that, she will come around," he says confidently and I look at him and he smiles.

"And if she doesn't," he pats my shoulder, "then you've been in love with a figment of your imagination."

I don't answer and just look at the snow.

He's right. In every sense of his words. I've been the one always running around like a headless chicken.

And all she's done is kick me away like old socks.

It hurt!

It's her turn to run for a bit. Run to me!

"That's the spirit!" Sirius states, laughing jovially and we both stroll on a much happier note to the castle.

"By the way mate," I ask, "do you realize how much like Moony you just sounded then?"

I don't think I'll ever see Padfoot so shocked and violated in my life to come.

* * *

"Why did you run off Lily?" Mary's voice asks accusingly as I enter the Common Room, "give me one good reason!" 

"I…I…" Lily stutters, "I had to make a phone call! Like I told Potter. I had to make a phone call."

I suddenly feel an anger rise up at her words. How petty could she get?

"Oh," I sneer sarcastically, and they both whip around, "so it's 'Potter' now is it?"

Mary looks away while Lily's mouth remains open and soundless.

"And there are no phones in the castle Evans," I continue, rather rudely, "they've been banned to protect the families of muggle-borns from being identified. You of all people should know. You suggested the ban."

Mary gets up and leaves silently and it's just me and Lily in the Common Room, the fire seeming almost cold compared to how frustrated I am.

She remains silent, though now looking at me through her eyelashes as she pretends to look at the floor.

Neither of us say anything though she looks up, a slightly desperate look on her face, opens her mouth but decides against it.

"What?" I snap, "going to make another excuse on how you have to call your sister and tell her how much you love her?"

She looks up at me and her eyes flash with defiance – something so common.

"Are you mocking me?" she hisses and folds her arms across her chest.

I imitate her, "are you mocking me?" I say in a fake girly voice.

She grinds her teeth and narrows her eyes, "now that's mature Potter. Real mature."

My arms drop to my sides in shock at her audacity and then scowl almost in disgust.

"Maturity," I scoff and then laugh dryly, straightening up, "you're a bloody one to talk about that, aren't you?"

She raises here eyebrows at me and fixes one of her common superior stares at me.

I roll me eyes excessively.

"Don't try your I'm-better-than-you rubbish Lily," I state, spitting venom in her name, "because it's absolute crap."

She tries to object but I continue.

"You're maturity over the past week has been lower than all the bloomin' first-years put together. And I'm not even going to mention about the past two days."

She shuts her mouth abruptly and her eyes change their expression from anger and defiance to something softer, that I can't place.

"Please explain to me, seeing as you are the smartest student in this school," I start sarcastically, "who it's going to kill if you just stop being a proud, pompous, arrogant cow and admit that you have feelings for me?"

She opens her mouth to pretest but even that movement is feeble.

"Who's it going to kill if you just say, quite simply, 'James I like you,'?" I continue, "or even just 'I like James Potter.'"

She looks away for a second and twists her jaw around.

"Is it going to kill someone Lily?" I ask, softening slightly, "is it?"

She doesn't answer.

My frustration builds up again.

"No it's not!" I state loudly and she jumps slightly, "I'll tell you what it will kill though. Your stupid, never-ending pride. That's what."

Her shoulders sag but then she brings them up immediately and I laugh.

"You can't bear, for one second, the fact that you were wrong," I continue, the humour in my voice dryer than toast, "you can't bear the fact that you do in fact like me – a lot – and you would in fact go out with me in stead of that bloody giant squid!"

She gulps.

Good! It's about time this role-reversal happened.

She looks at me with a strange expression.

"So you'd rather let your stupid pride get in the way of what we could have, and just let me keep running around like your stupid lovesick puppy," I state and clench my jaw, "like I have been doing for God knows how long!"

It's like realization's hit her with full force. She looks completely shell shocked at the reality of it all.

"Well guess what Lily!" I state, more confident and sure of what I'm saying than ever before, "I'm done! You can kiss all of that goodbye! I did everything you asked. I grew up. I matured. I stopped pranking! I became Head frikkin' Boy! I even stopped picking on Snivelly! But I guess, for Miss Lily Marie Evans it's not enough. So fine! I'm done with waiting. You want something from me you can either send a message through Sirius or Remus, or you can pluck up the courage and ask me out for a change!"

And with that I storm out, feeling considerably lighter than I have ever before.


	7. Chapter 7

My airy, breezy feeling's gone, which sucks! The minute I reached the bottom of the stairs I wanted to run back to the Common Room and beg forgiveness.

I'm such a LOSER!

A first year glances at me nervously and I groan.

Now everyone's going to think I have insecurity issues.

Maybe I do. And I bet they'd be because of her.

I'm a complete sucker for her.

I think I'll go for a broomstick ride. It always clears my head.

And I will NOT fly by her window and apologize until I fall off.

And i will not fly through her window and try and seduce her ot forgive me.

And i will not draw cloud hearts with her name in them in the sky.

I will be resiliant!

* * *

The fresh air is always nice. It makes you feel alive but so free and empty at the same time. I can just hear the air and my breathing merging and it's like I'm listening to Beethoven's symphony.

Though from Lily said about that muggle composer, I don't think I'd like his music very much.

Lily.

Why is she in every stupid thought? Why can't I just think a whole series of thoughts and not have her in any one of them?

That'd be amazing! A Lily-free zone! Not even a mention of her existence.

Oh the wonderful simplicities.

But…me being the one and only stupid James Potter – who in actual fact is actually and truly fantastic – cannot achieve that.

This is due to the fact that I, the incredibly stupid James Potter am in love with Lily Evans. So much so that even when I'm in the right – I agree that I'm in the wrong.

Even though she's being a completely stupid and immature cow – I'm going to be the one to apologize. Not now. Not even tomorrow.

But I will.

There goes my Lily-free zone. I just spent five minutes thinking about her. I can't even remember the last time I haven't.

But lets see. Five minutes out of four years won't kill me.

Let's try five minutes of not thinking of Lily.

Eggs.

Butter.

Walnuts.

Cocoa.

Strawberries.

Lily's hair looks like strawberries. And she smells like them.

…AAAAARGH!

This is sooooooo stupid! I couldn't do it! I couldn't bloody do it!

What is wrong with me!

What is…

"JAMES!"

Ok now I need to see a shrink. I'm so obsessed with her that I actually though she flew across me on a broom.

That's how nuts I am.

Firstly, Lily never comes out after hours.

Secondly, she's terrified of heights.

Thirdly, she hates anything to do with quidditch…

"JAMES HELP!"

OH MY GOD SHE FELL!

I swerve my broom and zoom towards my imaginary falling Lily – and ultimately the ground.

Three seconds before we both hit the ground I grab her and try to haul her up – she feels pretty real and…

"WHAAOOMPHAAMUUPH!"

Ow.

Next time I'm going to concentrate on getting back into the air instead of whether or not she's real or not.

"What?" someone groans and I open my eyes and look straight up at a disorientated, but very real Lily.

Ironic, I get her to this position now – of all times.

She opens her eyes and looks at me and I suddenly realize exactly what position we are in.

I sit up abruptly and send her tumbling off of me and stand up, straightening myself.

With my back still to her I grab my broom.

Should I help her up or not?

"James!" her voice sounds urgently just behind me.

Looks like not.

"James," she calls again before I can answer and scuttles to stand in front of me.

I look at her and my jaw tightens automatically.

It's like half of me's angry the other half just wants to be near her.

"What?" I ask carelessly, my angry side clearly in the lead here.

She opens her mouth and then closes it, shaking her head.

"I don't know what to say," she says meekly and I want to just grab her and hold her.

"Well, now that's helpful," I say sarcastically, very surprised at this mean side. How come it never came out before?

"Because it never needed to?" she pipes in and I groan. Even my mean side can't control it.

"What are you doing here Evans?" I ask rudely, ignoring the hurt on her face as I spit out her last name.

"I came to look for you," she answers, trying hard to stand her ground.

"I'm Head Boy," I state, rolling my eyes, "I'm allowed out after curfew."

Her eyes mist over with insult and I feel guilty.

Don't be! She deserved it.

"Yes I did," she answers softly and looks at the floor, giving me time to mentally blow myself up.

"But I didn't come down here to give you a detention," she continues nervously.

"So what then?" I cut her off sharply, "you came down here to get up there," I point up at the sky, "and fall off your broom so that I had to come and throw myself on the floor to get you and we could be friends again?"

Her face actually contorted in hurt this time and I can't help but sigh and rub the back of my neck with guilt.

I shake my head and begin to apologize but she stops me.

"Well if it was such a problem to catch me then I'm sorry," she spits out defiantly, her eyes starting to rage, "I won't try and come and talk to you ever again!"  
I look at her aghast for a second, "Fine!" I state back loudly, my frustration building even more and I walk away.

I hear her groan.

"No, James!" she calls and comes running after me and grabs my hand, "please stop."

I look at her rather small hand holding my large wrist and feel myself soften.

"What is it?" I ask tiredly, taking my hand away.

"Look," she says and forces herself to look away from the ground, "I've been an idiot! A really stupid and brain-dead idiot."

HOLD IT!  
REEEEEEEEWIND!

Did Lily Evans just say the words stupid, brain-dead and idiot all in one sentence about herself.

She fixes me with a look.

"Yes she did," she states a small smile appearing on her face.

WOW! She just called herself stupid.

I smile and her smile widens.

Oh wait…I'm not supposed to be smiling.

I pull my lip corners together and she rolls her eyes.

"Look James," she continues, "I'm sorry ok. I've been completely immature," my smile starts again but she cuts it off, "as you said, and very silly about this whole situation. I just didn't know what to do."

I don't say anything.

"I mean, I take back quite a lot of the unfair and untrue things about you," she continues, now looking at the floor, "and there are a lot, because you have matured and you have stopped pranking and you've done all those things I basically screamed at you for. So I take back anything that I've ever said that contradicts that and I'm sorry."

She looks up slightly nervously and I'm not sure what to say.

She must've taken my silence badly, as she begins her ramblings again.

"And to prove it to you," she continues, pulling a paper out of her robe pocket, "I'm here. I mean that's got to be something. I got on a bloody broomstick James! And I flew up to…to that height!" she points fearfully and I have to nod in agreement.

She got up pretty high before falling.

She huffs and pushes her hair out of her face, "that's not the point!"

I look back at her and shrug, "just saying."

She sighs and pushes the paper from her hand into mine.

I frown, "what's this?"  
"Just look at it."

With one eyebrow raised I un-scrunch the ball of paper and begin reading.

_The Giant Squid is a species in a league of it's own and…_

Why is she making me read about a Giant Squid?

"Just read the last paragraph.

_This creature, though very gentle and adapting and tolerant, finds humans to be, well to put it crudely, absolutely disgusting. They find our structure, our size our sounds and everything to do with our civilization completely abominable. _

I look up, still completely clueless. She groans and snatches the paper back.

"I can't go out with the Giant Squid," she says, "it won't go out with me in fact. It finds me…" she looks at the paper, "disgusting and abominable."

I feel a smile starting from my stomach and bubbling to burst through my mouth and I hold back my laughter.

She sighs rather agitatedly.

"So if the Giant Squid won't go out with me then I'd have to choose you anyway. And seeing as you seem to be the only one interested really, which is rather sad because it's caused me to miss your relentless requests to date me, which have stopped, it really only is between you and the Giant Squid so I don't have a choice do I. So I guess I've been an idiot and completely ignoring fate so all I have to say is…"

I burst out laughing, unable to hold it back and she stops abruptly.

Her ranting has always made me laugh, because she doesn't even realize what she's saying.

"I do too!" she protests defiantly.

I shake my head, still laughing, "no you don't!"

She huffs, "are you laughing at me Potter?"

I laugh harder and nod, unable to speak.

She sighs and then stiffens before lifting her head, sticking her nose in the air and attempting to walk away.

"Oh no, Lily!" I call, pulling her back while my laughter subsides, "don't be like that."

"Like what?" she asks sounding slightly upset, "here I am pouring out my stupid stupid heart and trying to get you to forgive me and you start laughing. I don't know why I bother."

"Because I want you to," I say smiling, pulling her in front of me, but closer this time, "it's just that when you pour your heart out, you rant. And when you rant you just say the silliest things."

She laughs quietly and shakes her head, "I do don't I?"

"Absolutely stupidly adorable."

She rolls here eyes, "wonderful, there goes my big finale."

I laugh and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her, "you're so…Lily sometimes," I state and she laughs into my chest.

"I really am sorry James," she says quietly after a while and looks up, "I just wasn't sure how to react."

I smile and shrug, "well you could try this," I state and kiss her cheek, making her laugh.

"Or this," I kiss her nose.

"Or this," I kiss her full on the lips and we both laugh into the kiss.

She pulls away and smiles, her cheeks flushed, "I'll remember for next time."

We both smile silently and just look at each other.

This is how it's supposed to be. All my anger and frustration evaporated away and just me and Lily.

"So what's this big finale thing you had planned?" I ask, pulling close to me.

She shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, "oh it's nothing."

I raise an eyebrow, "yes it is. You planned it so I wanna see it. Especially if it's better than the Giant Squid thing."

She narrows her eyes at me and I grin.

"Come on, Lily," I whisper, tickling her sides momentarily.

She sighs, "oh alright."

My smile widens and I pull away slightly and she takes a step back.

"What I was going to say was…well I was going to ask really so…"

"Just say it Lils," I push, trying to avoid a rant.

She scowls at me and then takes a breath.

"Potter," she calls, "go out with me?"

I don't say anything for a while before taking her hand and pulling her to the floor with me. Bringing her close I whisper into her ear, "Fall off your broom, Evans."

She gasps humouredly at the memory and whacks me lightly before sticking her tongue out at me as she kneels, with her knees either side of my legs.

"Already did Potter," she states challengingly, "and you couldn't even catch me!"

"What?" I cry in mock aghast, pulling her down to lie beside me, "I caught you!"

"Just in time!" she retorts, "and you thought I was imaginary. Of all the stupid things!"

I look at her in disbelief. Once again, Lily Evans has rendered me speechless.

My turn.

"Shut up Evans," I growl and kiss her so she can't speak another word.


	8. Proposing

Oh god! What am I going to do?

I think I'm going to puke.

I AM going to puke, then I'm going to go into a seizure and then ultimately I'm going to die!

That's what's going to happen.

"Stop drumming the table," Sirius hisses, "you're making it obvious."

I look at him and scowl.

Like keeping it a secret is my main concern.

"UH…yeah…"

"Uh…no!" I hiss back, "the main concern is doing it right, and getting her to say yes."

Padfoot shrugs, "well I was a bit out of it then."

"You're always out of it," Remus pipes in, "James concentrate, she's trying to talk to you."

What…

"James, are you listening?" my beautiful, wonderful Lily flower Evans Potter girlfriend asks.

Everyone around the table rolls their eyes including Lily, though she blushes slightly, "I'm not Potter yet, Potter."

My eyes widen with hope.

She said yet!

"Concentrate," Remus hisses and Lily resumes talking.

"Are we free next week James?" she asks again and I shrug blankly.

I'll be lucky if I make it through the hour.

"Because Tonks wants us to join her and Remus for dinner," she continues.

"Hey!" Sirius calls, aghast, "what about me and Wormtail."

Tonks rolls her eyes, "if you can get a date then yeah. It's couples only."

We all grin at both Remus and Tonks at the use of the word 'couples' - a word we never though we'd actually hear said so publically and comfortably when they were in the same room.

They used to be very secretive, those two. Always snogging in bathrooms and cupboards until Tonks actually forced Remus into asking her out offically and then officially announcing it.

Now look at them! They're getting married next month!

"About wormtail," Tonks continues, pushing away her blush, though her hand remains tangled with Moony's, "I don't like his girlfriend."

We all laugh in agreement. Wormy's girl is a real whacko. She tried to manually de-gnome my scalp last time she was here. Lily almost had a fit when she saw that banshee's hand in my hair.

It's absolutely fantastic to see your girlfriend get jealous when you've done nothing wrong – but it's even better with Lily because she goes ABSOLUTELY MAD!

She blew that woman through the window, hexed her hair off and jinxed her legs to run right out the building and all the way to the other side of town!

And then, as usual when Lily gets jealous she grabbed me and shagged my brains out – just ot make sure I had no reason to even think about another girl.

Aaaaaaah, the memory.

My Tiger Lily.

"James you're drooling," she points out offhandedly as she continues to chat to Tonks.

Thank god she didn't hear.

"Do it now," Sirius hissed, "before she and Tonks get up to tidy up!"

I feel my stomach lurch.

"Why are we supposed to tidy up?" Tonks shot back and Remus and I groan.

Never ever get into a sexist conversation with Lily and Tonks. You'll be sleeping ont he sofa for days to come.

And right now, that's not so good.

But old Padfoot being old Padfoot, snickers.

"Because you're women," he points out.

And lovely women too. Look at those curves. How have I managed to control myself all night?

"You've been nervous," Remus reminds me as Tonks, Sirius and Lily start to argue.

"Right," I sigh, "Thanks for reminding me."

"Do it now," Moony urges and I feel like throwing up.

NOW?

"Now!"

Right now?

"Do it now!" he hisses loudly and everybody turns around.

"Do what?" Lily asks and I feel like throwing up.

Sirius looks at me and Remus, gets the picture and shrugs and then grins.

"James here," Sirius starts, fully abandonning the conversation of the evolution of the better sex, and I feel the need to run, "has something to say to you Lils."

She looks at me questioningly.

Oh god! The walls are coming in.

Someone help.

Sirius pushes me off my chair and I stumble to my feet.

"Uh…Uh…" I start and then go up to Lily, "Lily…I…I've got something here…for you."

She looks at me and then at my empty hand.

"No you don't."

Swiftly I pull out the scrap of paper that's been burning in my pocket.

"Uh…Um…this is…" she looks at me and I grab her hand jerkily.

She raises her eyebrow and opens her mouth but I start reciting.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
Thou art less…I mean…more lovely and more temperate:  
Rough winds do shake the buds…the darling buds of May,  
And summer's lease have...hath… all too short a date:  
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,  
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,  
And every fair from fair…"

"James," she stops me half way, "why are you reciting Shakespeare?"

I stop and stare at her.

"You…you know it?"

"It's a very famous sonnet by him," she says, still looking at me strange, "so yes I do."

I look desperately to Remus and Sirius.

She knows it.

Thinking quick I shake my head and grip her hand tighter.

"Just pretend that you don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't know it."

"Wha…I have to pretend that I don't know it?"

I nod and she frowns.

"Why? What's going on?"

I shake my head, "just pretend."

She opens her mouth and then looks at me. Ok…best pleading face.

Sighing she shrugs.

"Ok."

I start again.

"And every fare from fair sometime declines,  
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:  
But thy eternal summer won't fade…"

"Shalt not," she corrects and I gulp but continue.

"Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,  
Nor shall death brag thou wander his shade…"

"Wander'st in his shade…" she corrects again.

"You're not pretending that you don't know it," I put in bluntly and she looks at me pointedly.

I sigh heavily, "look," I start, trying not to squeeze her hand blue with my tense and agitated demeanour, "just act like this is the first time you've heard this and you think I've written it and start crying or jumping or whatever because of it. That's all I'm asking."

She looks at me and frowns, "but you haven't written it."

"Just pretend."

"That's plagiarism," she points out and I roll my eyes.

Like Shakespeare cares! He's twenty million feet under!

She huffs, "literature students and fans do!"

I close my eyes and grind my teeth, "Ok then. I'll go over to the bloke's grave and apologise personally."

She raises an eyebrow.

"Just please Lily!" I beg and she sighs.

I plod on.

"When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,  
So long as men breathe, or eyes see…"

"Men can breathe, or eyes can see," she corrects again.

"God Lily!" I explode, dropping her hand like a hot coal, "give a guy a break! I'm trying to recite a stupid sonnet from some stupid muggle poet who keeps putting a 'st' at the end of words and you keep interrupting me. How's a guy supposed to pop the question?"

A silence falls over the room and both Remus and Sirius groan.

Oh…crap…

"Nice one Prongs," Sirius hisses.

"Pop…pop the…question?" Lily whispers.

There goes the surprise.

"How's abut we leave fellas," Tonks says as cheerily as she can and soon they've all disapparated.

NO! DON'T LET ME DIE ALONE!

Lily continues to look at me as I stare at the floor.

"So long lives this, and gives life to thee," I murmur and look up. She doesn't respond.

"Did I say that right at least?" I ask, slightly childishly, trying to ease the situation.

"Why are you reading Shakespeare James?" she asks quietly.

"Because it's romantic," I reply, feeling about eight years old.

A small smile appears on her face and she stands up.

"Were you going to pretend that it was yours?" she asks and I nod, feeling like just running away.

This isn't how it's supposed to go.

"How is it supposed to go, then?" she asks, making me look at her.

"Well I dunno…" I stammer, "you're supposed ot fall in love with the poem that I ultimately wrote, and then start bawling your eyes out and then when I ask you, in a very soft, tearful and meaningful voice to marry me you just throw yourself at me, say yes, and we go off and have a shag!"

She stares at me for a second and then bursts out laughing.

Great…now it's like we've been put back in seventh year Christmas holidays but reversed roles.

She takes the poem from my hand, "this is one of the poems that we had to learn for our poetry recital," she stated and smiles in the memory, "I learnt it in the first day."

I sigh, "you liked it then?"

She looked up and nodded, "I loved the image of summer. I used to imagine that some prince charming would write something like this for me."

I groan. Where the hell am I going to find a prince charming to write her a bloody summer poem for me to read?

She bursts out laughing puts the paper on the table, "well I told you in seventh year that I had to settle for you instead of the Giant Squid. So I can sacrifice the prince too."

My eyes widen slightly, "you want me to write you a poem?"

I can't even find a word to rhyme with egg.

"Leg," she states and I roll my eyes.

There you go.

Laughing she puts her arms around me, "forget the part," she says and kiss me, "you've got the charming almost down so you can read it. It'll do just fine."

Good, because there is no way I'd be able to write a poem and propose in this life-time.

Speaking of proposing…

I wink at her, "let's do this properly."

Pulling away and getting down on one knee I take her hand and pull out that box that's been burning holes through me ever since I bought it.

I open it and show her the small silver diamond ring and she gulps.

"Lily Evans," I say and take a deep breath, "will you marry me?"

She gulps again and nods slowly, a smile appearing on her face as her eyes swell with tears.

SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!  
She laughs tearfully as I jump up and lift her off the floor.

Pulling the ring out I start to put it on her finger but she stops me.

"Only if you promise never ever to recite Shakespeare again!"


	9. PREGNANT?

"James!"

"Mmm"

Come on Chudley's! You can do it!

"James!" Lily calls again.

"Yeah…"

"Listen!"

"I am…"

Oh you plonker! That was a foul!

"No you aren't!" she huffs.

"Yes I am…"

How does she know that I'm not listening anyway? What is she psychic?

"I don't have to be," she sneers, "You just called the referee a plonker!"

Damn!

I had meant to say that out loud…promise!

"Look Flower," I reply, (coaxing her with her with her nickname always works), "I'll fix it later."

"No you won't!" she growled, "you mucked it up in the first place."

"Well I'll fix it then."

"You can't!"

Yeah ok…

"It's beyond you're comprehension James!"

"I fully agree."

"James!" she whines.

Whining is not going to work. Oh no! For quidditch is on.

"Lily! Please!"

Now back to the…

marching footsteps? Oh no…not now…

And yes! She's nicked my wand and transfigured the TV back to its muggle form. How absolutely wonder…

"I'm pregnant."

…ful…

"Huh?"

What's she giving me that look for?

"I'm pregnant."

…yeah…so? How does that qualify for switching of my extremely important game?

"I don't get it…"

Why is she glaring at me?

Pregnant…

Yeah…I thought she'd put on a bit of weight.

She gasps and folds her arms menacingly.

What? I still don't get it.

Pregnant? Preg…OH HOLY!!!! PREGNANT???

"WHAAAA!"

And yes…leaping onto the arm of the couch as if she's a time bomb and squealing like a girl is what I meant to do.

"You're pregnant?!?"

I still can't get my voice to the normal pitch!

She gives me a 'no-DUH' look.

Well it's not so 'DUH' to me!

"With a baby?" I ask, my pitch still exceedingly high.

"No James," she says sarcastically, " with a bloody broomstick."

Wait…Bloody…I understand. But a broomstick? Wouldn't that be like really painstakingly long…and the splinters would just be…

"JAMES!"

Ok…that was too sick for even Padfoot to bear…

We stare at each other for a few seconds, with her looking at me like an exasperated teacher while I cower like a five year old.

I think I'll approach her now…but tread carefully Potter.

She rolls her eyes and huffs.

"What are you doing James?" she asks rather tiredly, "I've not contracted some contagious incurable disease."

Yeah but you could start that screaming thing that all women do when the baby's coming…or you could like…EXPLODE!

So excuse me!

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes for the fiftieth time in that second. They must be getting tired.

Poor pretty eyes.

"I'm not going to explode James. Stop acting as you've never been taught about human reproduction. And thank you," she replies.

"For what?"

"For calling my eyes pretty."

She notices that NOW? She notices now, after about 6 years together and almost two years of marriage?

I've been saying that since I was bloody 14 years old and she says thank you now…

I thought I was the nutter here.

"You are," she says laughing, "you asked if I was pregnant with a baby?"

Yeah…well…

"You're pregnant!" I retort like a five year old as I stand, scratching the back of my head like an idiot.

She laughs even louder and comes up to me and places her hands on my chest.

"I think we've established that James," she says softly and comfortingly, "and that it's with baby."

She reaches up and gives me one of her Lily-pecks.

"What's a Lily-peck?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

"The thing that you just did," I start explaining, "when you peck but a bit longer and make my stomach laugh."

I groan inwardly immediatley after I say it.

Why don't I think before I say things? That was the stupidest thing ever! Stomachs don't laugh James!

She laughs and kisses my chin, "not usually," she says smiling, "but I'm glad I can make yours laugh."

I clear my throat nervously and look at her stomach as if it's something I haven't seen before.

"How…how did this happen?" I ask, my voice coarse with the shock and incomprehension.

She pulls away and looks at me pointedly.

No…I know how it happens…But how did **_this _**happen?

She laughs slightly.

"Sirius's birthday party," she says trying to remind me, "we were all a bit 'happy' when we left."

…Anything to do with Sirius is about being 'happy'.

"We got there late because I got home late from work and took ages to get ready," she continues, "it was like one and a half months ago James."

…now I'm remembering.

She took bloody ages to get ready and I was sitting on the couch yelling at her to hurry up. But when she came out…WOW!

She was wearing that sexy black dress with the low cut neckline…

I couldn't keep away from her the whole night. I just about managed to control myself and resist snatching her and ravishing her in the bathroom.

She gives me a smug look as my eyes glaze over for a second at the thought.

Little minx.

We got home and I kind of lost it and grabbed her and…OH…

Her smile widens as I look back on that lovely lovely memory.

"Close your mouth James," she says coyly, laughing and I snap back to reality.

I can't help but just look at her.

I can't believe I'm married to her. I'm the luckiest person in the world.

She's so beautiful in her little every-day blue tracksuit and her hair tied up in a loose bun – even prettier than she ever was in school.

"You're pregnant," I whisper as if it's Christmas time by Santa and the tree. I'm smiling now and I put my arms around her.

She giggles and nods.

"In here," I say as I bend down and touch her slightly rounded stomach, "is a baby with a bit of me and a bit of you!" She laughs as I get down on my knees and peer at her belly.

"Hello LilyJames!" I say excitedly, "I'm your dad. I'm your daddy and…whoah…"

I look up at her, awe written all over my face. She looks down at me and smiles softly and encouragingly as she puts her hands on my face.

"I'm a dad!" I whisper, as if it's holy word.

Her smile widens and she pushes some hair away from my face.

"You're a dad."

WOW!

I can see it all- all the images of me and a little boy mucking about with a dog and then me teaching him quidditch.

I'll have a strapping little boy just like me!

It's so cool!

"Oh god!" she sighs , "not just like you! Please," she says laughing and I scowl.

I was a lovely son.

"I will have you know, Evans," I retort, "that I was a wonderful son."

She laughs and rolls her eyes, "I'm sure you were, Potter. But it's hard for a mother not to love her son."

OOOOOOOH!

I narrow my eyes at her, "this means war."

She laughs and lowers her hands to my shoulders.

"How do you know it's going to be a boy?" she asks critically, though she's smiling.

I shrug and stand up, still not letting her go.

I promised I never would.

"Because I'm James Potter," I state proudly, "and James Potter produces only tough, strong and quidditch playing little fellows. He is incapable of anything else."

Through the pause I realize what an incredibly stupid thing that was to say.

"Yes it was," she says laughing.

"Would you mind if it was a girl?" she asks and I ponder this.

A girl? A little baby girl?

That'd be just as amazing!

A little angel like Lily running around in a blue and green dress, ready to grow up to be a beautiful flower like her mum!

Lily blushes and I know I've said it out loud.

It doesn't matter.

"I wouldn't mind one bit," I say and kiss her nose, "so long as she's just like you, and never gets a boyfriend, I'll be totally fine."

She snorts and shakes her head, "that's ridiculous James!" she states, "how would you like if my father did that and made sure I could never date you?"

…Well that would suck…

"Yeah well that'd be stupid," I retort, "cuz we're married already."

She laughs.

"And besides," I continue, "your father knew he'd be a complete idiot to refuse a strapping young lad like me offering to court his daughter."

She raises her eyebrow at me and doesn't look convinced, "strapping young lad?"

I puff out my chest and nod, "yeah! So he did the right thing," I reply, "but I would not like my daughter running around with all those teenage womanizing hormonal freaks," I state.

"So you'd like her to go out with a mature thirty year old?" she counters and I shudder.

Eeew!

"Enough said I think," she replies smugly, "and don't you forget, Potter, that you used to be one of those teenage womanizing hormonal freaks. That's why I refused to go out with you for so long."

True…

"But it turned out all right didn't it, Potter?" I ask lightly, "we're married now."

She frowns pensively and then shrugs, "yeah I guess," she says offhandedly, "it turned out alright I suppose."

"Oh great," I reply mock huffingly, "so I threw my bachelor life for a shrug and an 'alright'?"

She laughs and gives me another Lily peck to remind me of why I chucked that away.

"Lily peck," I tease her. I like teasing her.

She narrows her eyes mockingly at me before coming forward and places her lips fully against mine making everything disappear.

…

I can't think when she kisses like that.

"uh…" is all I can say as I try to come out of the daze. She laughs for a bit but then stops.

Why did she stop?

"James?" she calls softly.

"That's me," I reply happily trying to lift her suddenly lowered spirits.

That didn't even get an eye-roll.

"We're going to be ok aren't we?" she asks meekly.

What?

"We are, aren't we?" she asks more hesitantly and uncertainly this time, "I mean, with Voldermort and the war and all the Deatheaters and evil that's…"

STOP!!!

"Ssssh!" I hush her and put my finger to her lips. I can't let her go there. I won't.

"Stop Lils!" I say with a small sense of urgency as I pull her to me, "we can't be thinking of silly little things like that. You're pregnant. We're going to be parents to a lovely little kid. We're supposed to be happy."

She sighs and nods but doesn't look at me.

"You're right," she says but doesn't sound convinced as she looks at her stomach.

I turn her head to look at me.

"We'll be fine," I say firmly, "not even Dumbledore would be able to get this kid. I wouldn't let him…we wouldn't, or any one else," I stroke her face and push a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "no-one will be able to get this kid."

I mean it! Anyone who even so much as thinks it won't stand a chance against me.

"But…" she tries again, her eyes wide with a fear I know she's been hiding for a long time. I see it sometimes when she's staring at the ceiling at night, thinking I'm asleep. I see it whenever we hear news of another death, which seems to be increasing slowly.

My dear flower. I can't stand to see her like that!

"No one," I whisper as I pull her against me and wrap my arms around her, "I promise."

Please believe me.

She sighs against me and finally gives up and rests against me, kissing the curve of my neck and making me close my eyes briefly at the sensation.

How can she do that? Something so small makes everything go haywire for a second.

"No one," she says softly as she looks up at me, a small smile on her face, and we both know that, for now, it's ok.

I smile at her and kiss her nose.

"Besides," I say casually as I put my arms under her knees and pick her up making her giggle, "this is our kid."

I pretend to stagger and tumble onto the couch from her weight making her laugh and smack me lightly.

She's not heavy at all…yet…

"That's true," she says as her laughter melts into her smile.

"So this kid has a got a bit of me and you," I say and she nods in agreement.

I lean back and she follows, resting her head beneath mine and taking my hand.

"This kid's got Evans and Potter blood," I continue as I put one arm around her and the other on her stomach, imagining our little child growing.

"If anything's got to be feared it's this little blighter in here."


End file.
